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Posts Tagged ‘cell phone’

Between the new cell phone and the new computer I am being technically tortured 24 hours and 7 days a week. I dream of a Court of Law, where I can put both phone and computer on trial and exact justice, painful justice. But no such court exists. Therefore, I am little more than their human captive susceptible to each of their individual oddities.

I acquired a copy of the Geneva Convention dealing with war crimes and torture. The copy wasn’t sourced via my computer, but through a friend’s who is a librarian. My relationship with my computer hasn’t progressed far enough to where I can ask it to do something for me and it will do it. I’d say it has a rogue mentality, but then I’m not a psychologist. I put the Geneva Convention information next to the computer. Some people like to start the day with a good stretch, or run. I like to start mine by reading a pertinent article on torture that is germane to the activities of the computer from the previous day. I always end the reading with the suggested punishment: hanging, firing squad, etc…. But nothing seems to daunt it. It knows the rules weren’t written for it.

The cell phone is a critter unto itself. It won’t let me make calls unless it’s to an emergency number. The phone has this fingerprint recognition thing. The first and only time it ever recognized my fingerprint was when I set it up. After 5 attempts at fingerprint recognition, up pops a keyboard on the screen asking for my backup password. I frankly have no idea what I used as a password because I thought the fingerprint thing was a solid deal. After ten minutes searching through papers that I possibly scribbled the password on I found it and got access to my phone to make a call. Of course the conversation was dropped right at the important part. The phone then gave me my heart rate, which it noted was elevated.

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I ordered a new cell phone and the little monster arrived yesterday. Getting a new phone, for me, is filled with trepidation and angst. I still live in the old days. All I really want from a phone is to make a call and not have the call dropped at the most important point in the conversation. But that is not what phones are about today. The added bells and whistles are overwhelming. Even though I can put this phone in its own holder, strap it to my head and capture the entire disaster of roaring down hill on a skateboard at 50 mph, I don’t want to do that.

From the initial greeting, the phone and I were off to a bad start. When I pried open the box the phone came in the phone immediately started chirping, blinking and talking. I closed the lid, which is the same thing I would have done had I lifted a coffin’s lid and had a vampire sit up and talk to me. The phone stayed in its box with the lid on chatting away for the rest of the day.

On day 2 of the new arrival, I slowly eased the lid off the box and surprisingly nothing happened. I thought thankfully perhaps it had run out of battery life. So I picked it up out of the box and it blinked, blipped, gurgled, and flashed and ultimately asked for my fingerprint before continuing.

I returned the phone to its box, closed the lid and decided before I touched it again a thorough background search on the phone was needed.

On day 3 after breakfast, armed with the information from the background check, I opened the box and grabbed the little imp. I short circuited the blinking, blipping and flashing, over rode the fingerprint check, and began the taming process. Around 10 pm the phone finished draining all the information from me it needed. It burped to acknowledge its contentment.

Just before I turned it off for the rest of its life the evening, I realized it had the wrong city for its weather app. I had entered my address and location into the phone no less than 5 times. I was sure the FBI, CIA, Interpol, and every other government agency east of the Mississippi River could pinpoint my location, but not the weather app of my phone. For some reason, perhaps due to extreme tiredness, having the correct city on the weather app became a big deal to me. At 1 am the phone conceded and changed the city on my weather app to the correct one.

Today I am not going to turn it on at all. I need a rest.

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