I am knitting away on the MIL shawl. Only 88 more rows until I start the first border. MadelineTosh called the colorway Antique Lace. When I first started out knitting it I could see the antique lace color. But now, after a few weeks of knitting only on this shawl, I am beginning to think of it as “the big beige thing”. Don’t get me wrong, it is a beautiful colorway, just when I knit it night after night I lose sight of its beauty.
When I am not fully engaged in knitting that’s when other
trouble projects around the house and garden come to my attention. And so it was that I finally decided to redo the caulking around the tub in the bathroom I hate. While knitting on the MIL shawl I have been watching a ton of DIY project shows from renovating the whole house by one’s self to smaller projects like building a tiny home by one’s self. These shows make everything look so doable.
What I really want to do is take a sledge hammer to this particular bathroom and renovate it myself. Since I couldn’t readily put my hands on the sledge hammer, I decided to re-caulk the tub instead. In the DIY television shows caulking takes mere seconds. Reality was a little different.
This is how I caulked my tub. First, pick the initial day of a four day hot and humid streak of weather. The humidity level is what is important here. It must rival or exceed the humidity found in the Amazon Rainforest. In short, the humidity level should be such that nothing will ever dry.
Next, unearth the caulk that’s been hanging around in the basement since the turn of the century and has a long old fashioned ice pick sticking in it’s nozzle that
unrealistically technically keeps the caulk from drying up and clogging the opening. Bring that up the four flights of stair to the hated bathroom and despised tub. Sit on the edge of the tub and look at the entire area that needs caulking. Realize the current insufficient caulking must be removed before new caulking goes on. Think about where the tool to remove the old caulking might be. Not having an idea where the tool actually is, put down the caulking gun and walk down four flights of stairs to the basement. The basement is where the tool most likely would have ended up after its last use. Where in the basement is another story entirely.
After two hours and with the tool finally in hand walk up four flights of stairs to the really, really hated bathroom. Sit on the edge of the tub and remove all the old caulking. With the sweat dripping from every pore in your body, it is now time to caulk the cursed tub. Pick up the caulking tube in the caulking gun and try to remove the ice pick from the nozzle. Use every method that comes to mind to try and remove the ice pick. Finally place gun on edge of tub, sit down and brace it with your feet against the tub, use all your body weight to pull the damn ice pick out. When ice pick releases fall backwards and smack head on toilet.
With ice pick removed, squeeze caulking gun with both hands until caulking shows at the nozzle’s tip. Do this repeatedly for about 10 minutes or longer until you completely understand that the caulking is not coming out of the gun. Take a moment to wipe the sweat from your brow while you think about whether you have another caulking tube anywhere in the house. Walk down four flights of stairs to the basement because if there is another caulking tube it is somewhere down there.
Hours later with another caulking tube with an ice pick in its nozzle walk up four flights of stairs wrestle the caulking tube into the gun. Immediately sit down and brace gun against tub with feet and prepare to yank ice pick out. Position self so head is not aligned with toilet. Grab hold of ice pick with both hands and pull. Ice pick comes out easily. Hope springs eternal.
Squeeze caulking gun with both hands until you’re tired of squeezing. No caulking comes out. Lay back on the cool tile of the bathroom floor and realize you need to go to the hardware store and you look like a mess. Calculate the number of people who you will know who will see you looking like something the cat vomited up. Decide you no longer care, you just want to caulk the @#%! tub.
It is now three days later. The tub has been caulked and the caulking is still drying. Thankfully we have a second bathroom because the caulking may never dry in the despised bathroom. In the meantime, I am still working on “the big beige thing” and watching DIY programs.
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